If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
