This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
