We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
