I smell stomach acid.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
