Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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