y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
