One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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