I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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