Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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