Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
