Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
