dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
