He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
