talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
