Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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