Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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