if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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