You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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