So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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