We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
