And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
