my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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