will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
