So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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