apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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