if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
