i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
