did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
