Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We don't watch enough power rangers
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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