my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
