Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
