If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
