my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
