Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sarcasm needs its own font
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
