so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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