So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
