no, he came in my armpit
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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