Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
