My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
