i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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