we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
