He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunk is not a location!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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