drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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