i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
