Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
