I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
