four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I supernannyed him into submission
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
