dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
