Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
