i don't like sucking hair
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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