I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
